Shame. Frustration. Questioning.

I have tried to wear three four hats this week. Substitute teacher. Hospice Chaplain (part-time, just hired). Social worker (details in previous blog). And finally, preacher.

These things do not fit together very well.

Lostness, brokeness, and hurting has been inescapable this week. Emotionally, this makes for a hard week, but a very fulfilling week. I have lived out of my calling to minister to the poor and needy. I hope I have been a good witness in these various situations, even though all of these situations required differing levels of caution in mentioning the name of Jesus.

Sunday, I will have every freedom to mention the name of Jesus, standing in a pulpit with a captive audience, an audience obligated to come and listen to God's word.

My goal Sunday: I am preaching on Hospitality, with the hope that the church would become more like Jimmy; the Jimmy that, along with his wife, Kim, have received our battered, abandoned guest into their home (names changed for protection purposes).

The irony is incredibly thick. I preached a sermon about a month ago, about the Lost Son of Luke 15. I was hoping to introduce language and ideas that might spur the church on to financially assist Jimmy and Kim and their four boys, hopefully by the various members using Jimmy for handyman work. I thought that in addition to helping the needy in our midst, it would also be a good witness to Jimmy, who has visited our church twice, but doesn't seem interested in coming more regularly.

After the sermon, I suggested this help to one of the church leaders, and my wife has been working at this as well. This idea has gotten nowhere.

And now their financial situation has been further compromised by adding another mouth to their household. Some people at church have shared some money with her, for which I am thankful. Some have shared some of their time as well. But others have been discouraging to them, advising them that they should not have gotten so involved.

In spite of the discouragement, Jimmy and Kim have pressed on. They have inspired me. I have enjoyed the time I have spent at their house, and see great potential in him, if I could only find a way to get him to church...

And this is where I get confused. Jimmy has caught on to something that many people in our pews haven't caught on to after year after year of sermons (not just our pews, either). Yet the people in the pews are permitted to look down on Jimmy because he isn't in the pew with them. (I am speaking in generalizations, of course). It makes me wonder how effective our system, our institution, is in helping people, compelling people, equipping people to be disciples of Christ.

So here is my question: is it better to incorporate someone into to a failing system, to join the few who are trying to make important changes that are painfully slow in occuring, or is it better to bypass the system altogether, and allow a new community of faith to flow out of this family's love and ministry to the hurting around them, unencumbered by the limitations of our Sunday morning piety?

For now I will punt. I will fulfill the needs of the system one more time. The sermon must go on.