Shame. Frustration. Questioning.

I have tried to wear three four hats this week. Substitute teacher. Hospice Chaplain (part-time, just hired). Social worker (details in previous blog). And finally, preacher.

These things do not fit together very well.

Lostness, brokeness, and hurting has been inescapable this week. Emotionally, this makes for a hard week, but a very fulfilling week. I have lived out of my calling to minister to the poor and needy. I hope I have been a good witness in these various situations, even though all of these situations required differing levels of caution in mentioning the name of Jesus.

Sunday, I will have every freedom to mention the name of Jesus, standing in a pulpit with a captive audience, an audience obligated to come and listen to God's word.

My goal Sunday: I am preaching on Hospitality, with the hope that the church would become more like Jimmy; the Jimmy that, along with his wife, Kim, have received our battered, abandoned guest into their home (names changed for protection purposes).

The irony is incredibly thick. I preached a sermon about a month ago, about the Lost Son of Luke 15. I was hoping to introduce language and ideas that might spur the church on to financially assist Jimmy and Kim and their four boys, hopefully by the various members using Jimmy for handyman work. I thought that in addition to helping the needy in our midst, it would also be a good witness to Jimmy, who has visited our church twice, but doesn't seem interested in coming more regularly.

After the sermon, I suggested this help to one of the church leaders, and my wife has been working at this as well. This idea has gotten nowhere.

And now their financial situation has been further compromised by adding another mouth to their household. Some people at church have shared some money with her, for which I am thankful. Some have shared some of their time as well. But others have been discouraging to them, advising them that they should not have gotten so involved.

In spite of the discouragement, Jimmy and Kim have pressed on. They have inspired me. I have enjoyed the time I have spent at their house, and see great potential in him, if I could only find a way to get him to church...

And this is where I get confused. Jimmy has caught on to something that many people in our pews haven't caught on to after year after year of sermons (not just our pews, either). Yet the people in the pews are permitted to look down on Jimmy because he isn't in the pew with them. (I am speaking in generalizations, of course). It makes me wonder how effective our system, our institution, is in helping people, compelling people, equipping people to be disciples of Christ.

So here is my question: is it better to incorporate someone into to a failing system, to join the few who are trying to make important changes that are painfully slow in occuring, or is it better to bypass the system altogether, and allow a new community of faith to flow out of this family's love and ministry to the hurting around them, unencumbered by the limitations of our Sunday morning piety?

For now I will punt. I will fulfill the needs of the system one more time. The sermon must go on.

broken... completely broken (nearly)...

God's gifts are rarely what we expect. Sunday at church we received one of God's unexpected gifts. A young girl, who must go unnamed, an escapee from domestic violence, a life-long survivor of the foster care system. One of our new Christians found her at a gas station, with no money, no ID, nothing except the dirty clothes on her emaciated body. Kim demonstrated compassion, and took her in to her house, and then brought her to our church.

Charity and I spent all day Monday with her; we retrieved some of her paperwork from the battered woman's shelter, we visited with the noble legal intern helping her pursue criminal charges against the man that has terrorized her for way too long, we took her to the hospital for follow-up on injuries received.

Again, we felt so powerless. I tried to remain detached while hearing her story, but secretly wanted a place to cry for her. While driving, I shared with her some of the Psalms that have been a great comfort to me (esp. psalm 27), but wondered whether it was even appropriate... I mean, can I really tell someone who has lived what she has lived that "the lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I fear?"...

Yet in the immense pain of her circumstances, she was so excited about the clothing given her by another girl at church, by the prospects of returning to school. Here is a girl excited to gain weight. Here is someone who has not lost hope. Maybe this is God's greatest miracle, beyond her physical survival and escape. He has spared her hope.

Yet where do we go from here?

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Also, we are returning to Landmark in Montgomery, AL on October 22-24 to meet with the Elders. Pray that God compels the leadership of this church to join with us in this mission, that is so much greater than us!

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Finally, I have just started work as a Chaplain for a hospice service. It is quite weird being referred to as "Clergy". (It makes Father Mulcahy of MASH come to mind.) The company knows our long-term goals, and didn't mind our transient world. This should be a great learning opportunity, and an opportunity to show God's love to the dying and grieving.

"For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified..."

--the words of Paul to the Corinthians. This scripture, recalled by one of the elders of the West Erwin church, was the highpoint of our interview with West Erwin. The vast majority of our time was spent in heated dispute over what consititutes the gospel, and whether or not new churches could be trusted with the scriptures.

If anyone has any doubt, we have an extremely high view of scripture. So high that we believe that anyone can make sense out of it, anyone can find in it what pleases and displeases God. So we feel no compulsion to control the churches we hope to work with. They will have the same Holy Spirit that we have, and will be able to navigate the issues that they face with wisdom, and will recover from their mistakes just as we have.

So we must define ourselves as missionaries of the Gospel, not of any particular viewpoint that a sponsor or supporter may have. It was hard to communicate this to a church that seems accustomed to being controlled by certain narrow viewpoints. Perhaps this elders insightful recollection of this scripture is a sign that this church may be on the road to change.

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Otherwise, we formed great relationships with the people who hosted us and others who offered hospitality to us. We were challenged with new insights into the scripture, and enjoyed time spent in prayer with some new friends. God had a purpose for our visit to Tyler, and we have seen some of God's purposes revealed already.

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On a more encouraging note, we have been invited to return to Landmark in Montgomery to meet with the elders of the church, and to further dream and explore the possibilities with the missions vision team. They want this visit to occur as soon as possible. So we praise God for the good news, and pray that the details come together soon. Please join with us in this prayer.

Encouraging weekend...

Our time in Montgomery was greatly blessed. Wes Gunn, college and missions minister of the Landmark church, along with his wife, Amanda, graciously hosted us. This congregation is committed to prayer and are convicted and concerned about the plight of the poor. They blessed us with their prayers, and their example of reaching out to the poor (evidenced by the church's response to the hurricane just a few hours drive from them).

Please keep this church in your prayers, as well as the West Irwin Church in Tyler, Texas, where we are flying this weekend.

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Also, please keep my first-graders in your prayers. On top of all the difficulties many have faced in their home lives, they are coping with a totally incompetent substitute. Now they must do it for an additional week, until the new teacher can start. School had been one steady place in their lives, and now that is instable. Their attitude and behavior indicates their insecurity.

Yesterday, one of my students noticed my wedding ring. They were confused; only women wear rings, they asserted. And, at least in their experience, they were right. When asked to draw their families, I saw siblings, mothers, grandparents, dogs, horses. But no daddies. It is sad.

Sweet Home Alabama (plus some other news)...

Please pray for us as we travel to Montgomery, Alabama this weekend. We are building a relationship with the Landmark Church there, and are blessed to be invited to spend a weekend with the church, and join the missions committee for their meeting on Monday night. We have been able to make a few friends from this church, and are excited by their passion for mission work, and their concern for the lost and hurting. We will keep you posted.

Other news:

--The following weekend we will be interviewing with the West Erwin Church in Tyler, Texas. They are committed to sending a missionary family to the field next year.

--We have some friends at the South Baton Rouge Church of Christ
. The church is currently housing 50 displaced people from New Orleans. The children at our church here have made a donation to help the church minister to these devastated people, and are executing ambitious plans to minister to many other displaced people there. If you would like to contribute to a Christian organization on the frontlines of this disaster, follow the link above.

--I am trying to survive as a first-grade teacher, at least until a certified teacher can be hired. I love my kids, but I grieve for them as well. One of my students watched her mom's boyfriend kill her father at point blank with a shotgun. Others are dealing with incarcerated parents, abuse, drugs in the home, other family members dying, etc.. My heart is broken daily.