fighting back tears.
The week has had a couple emotional moments. One high. One low.
First, on Monday night we were asked by the elders of Landmark what we were looking for in a sponsoring church. We were looking at what we were looking for. So we answered by sharing about how blessed we had been by the genuine spiritual community in the church, the concern for the lost and compassion for the poor and hurting. Finally, I talked about the heart of prayer at the church. To illustrate this point, I shared that we had a recent experience of being interrupted while presenting before a missions committee at another church to argue with us about some issue. While presenting before Landmark's missions ministry, we were interrupted by... and I could not continue. The tears welled up as I fought to say--we were interrupted to be prayed for. I took some time to regain composure.
To flip side was two days later. The young girl our church has been helping has reverted back to some self-destructive patterns. She chose to move out of the house that has been generously helping her, in order to pursue a relationship with a boy from school, which did not turn out the way she hoped. She decided she wanted to be back in Chattanooga, but the women's shelter was full. She tried to get me, our church, or her caseworker to give her the money to move into a hotel room, but we would not comply. So she decided she would find a way to get the money she needed. The last thing I could do for her was drive her to a homeless shelter and leave her on the curb until they could assess her for shelter.
I concealed my emotions--mostly. It was when we were leaving the women's shelter, after a heated exchange with Jxxxxx, when the outcome of our intervention seemed certain, that my disappointment, fear, anger, and inadequacy got the best of me. Sarah from the crisis partnership, and Jennifer, who assisted with the domestic violence prosecution, thanked me for my help. I did not know how to reply. So I gave a half-hearted, teary-eyed "your welcome".
And I am still hiding from the full emotional impact of the situation. The trunk of my car is full of the entirety of her personal possessions that I have gathered, with no idea where to deliver them. Out of view, but not out of mind. Like the pain I feel for her. But unlike the joyful tears shared in the presence of the elders at Landmark, I do not know where to shed these tears I am holding inside.
The week has had a couple emotional moments. One high. One low.
First, on Monday night we were asked by the elders of Landmark what we were looking for in a sponsoring church. We were looking at what we were looking for. So we answered by sharing about how blessed we had been by the genuine spiritual community in the church, the concern for the lost and compassion for the poor and hurting. Finally, I talked about the heart of prayer at the church. To illustrate this point, I shared that we had a recent experience of being interrupted while presenting before a missions committee at another church to argue with us about some issue. While presenting before Landmark's missions ministry, we were interrupted by... and I could not continue. The tears welled up as I fought to say--we were interrupted to be prayed for. I took some time to regain composure.
To flip side was two days later. The young girl our church has been helping has reverted back to some self-destructive patterns. She chose to move out of the house that has been generously helping her, in order to pursue a relationship with a boy from school, which did not turn out the way she hoped. She decided she wanted to be back in Chattanooga, but the women's shelter was full. She tried to get me, our church, or her caseworker to give her the money to move into a hotel room, but we would not comply. So she decided she would find a way to get the money she needed. The last thing I could do for her was drive her to a homeless shelter and leave her on the curb until they could assess her for shelter.
I concealed my emotions--mostly. It was when we were leaving the women's shelter, after a heated exchange with Jxxxxx, when the outcome of our intervention seemed certain, that my disappointment, fear, anger, and inadequacy got the best of me. Sarah from the crisis partnership, and Jennifer, who assisted with the domestic violence prosecution, thanked me for my help. I did not know how to reply. So I gave a half-hearted, teary-eyed "your welcome".
And I am still hiding from the full emotional impact of the situation. The trunk of my car is full of the entirety of her personal possessions that I have gathered, with no idea where to deliver them. Out of view, but not out of mind. Like the pain I feel for her. But unlike the joyful tears shared in the presence of the elders at Landmark, I do not know where to shed these tears I am holding inside.
posted by Kevin at 7:47 PM
1 Comments:
Brother,
Let me just say that I understand. I praise Him for providing such an awesome, prayerful church in Landmark for you guys. It is through Landmark and over time through thousands of individuals and families that the Lord will give you the strength in those difficult situations. My wife and I see it a lot with the impoverished in Brazil. I remember your heart, Kevin. I remember your selflessness. I know that the Lord will use you to impact many people in Tanzania and beyond. Jxxxx may not know what she is doing now. But, with continued prayer it will click in her heart. She will get it one day. She will understand that ALL she needs is Jesus. I have read about it, I have witnessed it, and I believe it! Cry for her and pray for her.
~Sascha
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